Copied from a FB page !
It’s a story of a Brahmin gal who loved a non-Brahmin
and due to father’s compulsion married a Brahmin guy and leading a
perfect life with little happiness!!
(Some tamil words included)…Dearest Appa,
27th Jan’1965
Hope this letter finds you, Amma, Raji and Seenu in good health. The
weather here in New York City is icy cold. But Avar sollraar- I have
missed this winter’s biting cold. I still wish I had seen the snow… But
then, I still wish I had not left Trichy at all. I do miss Trichy,
Appa. You, Amma, Raji, Seenu, pakkatthaathu Rama, Vikatan,Ucchi
Pillaiyaar Koil, filter coffee, Holy Cross College, the Maths
Department and of course Sakthi. I know you wish I hadn’t brought his
name in this letter.But not to worry Appa, I understand that you got me
married to Visu because you thought it was best for your daughter.
I still remember Amma wiping her silent tears with her madisaar
thalappu and you shouting at me the day I told you about Sakthi.Later,
when the initial shock wore off you patiently listed umpteen reasons why
I should not marry Sakthi. I agree Appa, that 20 is too young to
decide, that Raji and Seenu would have been affected greatly by my
‘mistake’, the Agrahaaram would have scoffed at you… a meat eater was
not a good match for someone who had never even tasted onion and garlic.
The reasons were innumerous. I knew you’d still have objected and
offered other reasons even if he had become a Dhigambara monk.
Visu on the other hand, wore a poonal, he is the son of Neelakanta
Sastri, an Engineer and he researched about computers which is what made
you jump for this alliance. Am not complaining Appa, Visu is a nice
man. Tell Amma that I could not try her kozhakkattai recipe this Pongal
because coconuts were too expensive and Avar nenacchar that it was
ridiculous.
Anyway, we went out on Sankaranthi day and dined out. He thought it
would be a good idea to invite the Chatterjees also. But I didn’t speak
Bengali and Mrs.Chatterjee spoke English in an accent that comes with
living years in America. Hence I made myself busy with the menu card.
They ordered various species of fish,shrimp and a lot more of items I
had never seen in my life. I ordered orange juice and a sandwich. The
other diners thought it was queer coming to a seafood restaurant and
settling for a sandwich. That day, I learnt that Avar prefer pannradhu
beef, pork, bacon and seafood.
Do you know, Appa… Sakthi gave up meat because of me? I didn’t ask,
he just did. But then, Sakthi is not Neelakanta Sastri’s son and that
made it imposible for Subramania Iyer’s daughter Kalyani to marry him.I
will keep you posted on what happens here. I don’t think I can make it
to Seenu’s Upanayanam. Tell Amma not to get me a pattu podavai for the
poonal, I don’t use them here. I wore it once and felt like a clown
here.
Your loving daughter,Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
20th Oct’1968
We are fine here. Gautam is speaking his first words and I swear they
sounded like ‘Dosai’. But Visu claims it’s just gibberish. From your
previous letter, I gather that pakkathatthu Rama is married and
settled in Jamshedpur. Nice to know that. Please find out her address
from Saarada maami and write it to me. I want to keep in touch with
her. I hope Raji is happy with her husband in Madras. I spoke to her
last month, great to know that she has a phone. Do tell Seenu to study
well and prepare for his school final exams.
Raji also told me that Sakthi is married now. I wish him good luck,
but I could not convey the message to him. Raji refused to be the
messenger and I know you have severed ties with Sakthi’s father, your
long term friend Sankaravel, thanks to me. I hear his wife is his
cousin… He must have succumbed to his mother’s wishes.
How did Avani Avittam go? Visu’s mother gave me a bunch of new
poonals for Avani Avittam but Visu was in Boston that day. He wouldn’t
have used it anyway, I haven’t seen him wear one in the last three
years. Gautam is now playing with the spool of thread- mere thread it
is, what else can I call it? Gautam will not even know what it
signifies, I guess.
Visu is making sure Gautam grows up listening to English only. He
says it will make his life easier. But I do read out passages from
Ponniyin Selvan and Bharathiyaar’s poetry when I am alone with him. It’s
more of reading to myself, I guess. I actually got that poetry book as
a present from Sakthi, it still has his scrawling signature in the
first page.
By the way, Visu saw that book and asked me about Sakthi, I told him.
Hold your breath Appa, he didn’t throw me out of the house. He is a
good man, no question. He said it is okay and that he doesn’t mind. And
then he told me of his American girlfriend whom he was once in love
with, when he first reached America- Amy, a fellow Researcher who was in
a brief relationship with Visu when she was in New York. They lived
together for 3 months and decided against marriage, somehow. Amy once
dropped home when she was in New York. Nice lady, she was.
Ask Amma to send me Sambar Podi for this whole year. My friend Sudha
is coming to Madras next week. Ask Seenu to catch the Rockfort Express
and give it to her. I will collect it from her here.
Your loving daughter,Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
3rd June’1974
We have arrived here safely. After two months in India, I find it
hard to adjust back to normal life here. Gautam and Ranjana demand
vadai,paayasam and vaazhai ilai here. Visu’s relieved to be back in
America. I left a set of my books there. If it’s not in Trichy it
must be in Visu’s parents’ place. If you find them, safeguard them until
my next trip. They mean a lot to me since they were gifts from Sakthi.
By the way, Appa, I found out Sakthi’s present address in Madras from
Rama and Saarada maami. I wrote to him. I am extremely proud to know
that Dr.Sakthivel is a cardiologist much in demand there in Madras. He
was thrilled to hear from me after so long. You know what he has named
his daughters? Kalyani and Raagamaalika. He called me. You know what,
he’s still a practising vegetarian, Appa. He didn’t revert back just
because he lost me… He asked me if I still sang and whether Gautam and
Ranjana could sing. I could see a proud father in him, when he claimed
his daughters could sing upto Rara Venu Gopala. That’s when I remembered
that I was once a good singer. I wonder why I stopped singing, wonder
why I never exposed the kids to Music and Dance. But then, I realize
that I had buried all that deep inside me when I left Trichy; after
bidding farewell to my best Rasika, actually. Sakthi. After the call, I
tried singing ’Kurai Onrum Illai’. I could not rquite reach Charanam,
because of the lack of practice and more importantly because of the
tears that filmed my eyes and the constriction in my throat. I sang to
Visu and the kids one of these days. Though Gautam was impressed, father
and daughter could not just wait for me to finish! By the way, next
time some friend comes to India, send me a Sruthi Box. I would like to
start singing again.
Your loving daughter,Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
14th Aug 1978
Just back after our tour to California. Find our photos, picture
postcards attached herewith. After you are done with showing all family
members,relatives, friends and neighbours, pass them to Visu’s parents.
It was a welcome break for the four of us. But I missed my paattu
class students all along and was happy to resume the classes again last
evening. Did I mention in my previous letter, before we left on the
tour - I finally got my driving license here. I sent a few photos to
Sakthi too. He has sent me quite a few records and cassettes. I loved
it! I’m reminded of AIR, almost! I’m circulating them among my friends
too. And of course, playing them for my students too. They are picking
up beautifully. Funny news is, I, a Tamilian, is teaching Telugu and
Sanskrit kritis to a cross section of Tamil, Malayalam, Kannada,Telugu,
Marathi, Bengali students in an English speaking nation. The music
sessions have resulted in a reborn Kalyani, Appa. Thanks to Sakthi,
really. I would have never taken it up had it not been for his reminder.
I am now thinking of what life would have been like if I had indeed
married him. I would have of course lost you and Amma. But right now,
with this life in America, Visu and these monthly letters to you, Rama,
Raji and Seenu what have i gained? I don’t find an answer, Appa.
Neither do I think I ever will. Again, as I have always reiterated,
Visu is a good man, no complaints there. He is every bit the son in law
you wanted. Researcher, American Post-Graduate Degree holder, a
dutiful husband and father,earning a comfortable income. I know it is
too much to ask for anything else. That is a fantasy I left midway in
my life… Once upon a time in Trichy with someone else.
Your loving daughter,Kalyani.
Dearest Appa,
14th Apr’1984
Met Dr.Sakthivel after 19 years… He had come to New York for business
purposes and paid me a visit. Visu and the kids welcomed him home with
great pleasure. And they liked him too. Infact, they did most of the
talking initially. And of course, he got me a whole load of books,
cassettes, Mysore Paak and lots more. Your loving daughter,
Kalyani.Dearest Appa,
20th Jan’ 1990
I just went through all these letters lying in my closet draw for years together. These are letters I started writing to you and then decided not to post. For obvious reasons. I could not mention Sakthi to you even though I was itching to. Not because I was afraid to invite your wrath. I just did not have the heart to hurt you, I know these letters would have hurt you. Because deep inside, I know you were disturbed- you knew Sakthi was a good man, you knew he was a man of substance, yet you didn’t want to go further. Society, I know. ..Family… I know… And all these letters would have only wounded you more.Today, 2 years after your death, and 6 months after Dr.Sakthivel’s untimely death in a road accident, I somehow felt like re-reading all these letters.
To me, all these unstamped, unposted letters mean a life that could have been. Kalyani Viswanathan.